i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
