you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
