I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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