I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
