he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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