Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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