This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
