My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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