I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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