and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
