would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
