You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
