my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
