why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
