I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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