Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
