watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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