I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
