It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
