By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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