Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
