return my video game
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
