hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
