I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The uberlube is also flammable
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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