It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
