i was born a porn star she said
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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