Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
