you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
