have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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