yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
