ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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