well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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