my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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