Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
