You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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