I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
