We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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