Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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