So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
