i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
