Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
