i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
