yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
