got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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