The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
