I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
