I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
