I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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