She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
