U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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